p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
