but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
