You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
