haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
