she kept yelling 'call me bella'
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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