how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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