Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
