Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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