i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
