Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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