She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
