you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
