i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
