I heard we made out
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
