the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
