Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
