after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
