coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
