just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
