Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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