Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
