My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize