I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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