My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
