My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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