Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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