oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
