Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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