What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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