we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
this is an emotional support booty call
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
