I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
