Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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