I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
