We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Still dying that you shit outside
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
