Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
