I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
