Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
