I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
