the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
