he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
