Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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