did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
