never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
