Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize