if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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