wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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