In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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