I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
