I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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