you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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