I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
