I think I can smell my own vagina right now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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