I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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