Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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