i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
