How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
