dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
