If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
