theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
