I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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