I'm really into asian looking animals
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
