She is in my trunk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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