If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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