somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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