Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
