You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
