When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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