you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
