Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
