i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
