I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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