I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
