her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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