Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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