yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
