Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
