I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
