Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
