My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
