And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Who did Billy Mays play for?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
