That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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