Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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