My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
