He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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