i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
