If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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