just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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