we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
