He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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