hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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