So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
